“Games are for children, strict ‘Rules’ are for prisoners and competition is for dogs and horses”

Games are for children. 

There are some relationship experts who offer fool proof templates, pick up lines and formulaic responses to unique human emotions.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for “play”, flirtation and some strategic moves in creating connections with other people.  My question is when we approach intimate connection as simply a “game” are we really looking to forge meaningful and respectful interactions or are we looking to create winners and losers? 

‘Rules’ are for prisoners.

In my practice there is only one person who makes the rules and that is YOU!  I believe it is important to find a trusted professional to give guidance and encourage healthy behaviors but I am dubious of a one-size-fits-all approach.  Don’t be a prisoner to philosophies that discourage you from looking taking a deep look within your own heart and exploring what works best for you.   None of us are truly free of the societal, familial and individual pressures placed upon us.  Allow yourself to consume the conventional advice but disregard “wisdom” that feels plain wrong.

Competition is for dogs and horses.

Competing with others can lead to frustration, sabotage progress and create existential anxiety.  Existential anxiety - yes I went there.  You should be competing with yourself to be YOUR best self.  Push past your perceived limitations and challenge yourself to be braver, kinder and more loving to yourself and ultimately others.  And if someone wants to engage you in a fight to end to capture someone else’s heart – watch ‘em get smoked by their own ego.