Couples Coaching
Most couples don’t struggle because they don’t care about each other.
They struggle because they keep repeating relational patterns they don’t fully understand.
This work helps couples understand the dynamics they co-create and learn how to shift them in real time.
WHO THIS IS FOR
This work is for couples who are experiencing patterns such as:
recurring conflict that doesn’t resolve, only escalates or repeats
emotional disconnection, withdrawal, or shutdown in moments of stress
differences in desire, intimacy, or sexual connection
feeling misunderstood, unseen, or misattuned by a partner
cycles of pursuit and distance that feel familiar but frustrating
difficulty repairing after arguments or ruptures
You may love each other and still feel stuck in dynamics that don’t change.
WHAT WE WORK WITH
In couples coaching, we focus on the relational system between you, not just individual communication skills.
We examine:
how each partner responds under emotional stress
how conflict patterns are created and reinforced
roles that form in the relationship (pursuer, withdrawer, over-functioner, etc.)
how emotional needs are expressed, missed, or misinterpreted
how intimacy, desire, and connection shift over time
what happens in the space between you during rupture and repair
The goal is not simply better communication.
It is clearer understanding of the pattern you are both inside of - and how to shift it together.
HOW THIS WORKS
This is an active, structured process.
In sessions, we will:
slow down and observe real-time interaction patterns
identify emotional and behavioral cycles as they emerge
explore what each partner is actually experiencing beneath the surface
work directly with communication as it happens, not just in hindsight
build awareness of how each of you contributes to the relational system
This is not abstract discussion about your relationship.
It is direct work with how your relationship operates.
WHAT SHIFTS OVER TIME
Couples often begin to experience:
more clarity during conflict instead of escalation
increased emotional accountability from both partners
improved communication without over-explaining or shutdown
deeper understanding of each other’s emotional responses
more stable intimacy and connection over time
reduced repetition of the same unresolved arguments
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is pattern awareness + relational flexibility.
IMPORTANT NOTE
This work is not about assigning blame.
It is about understanding the relational system you create together - and learning how to participate in it differently.
PRE-MARITAL / PRE-COMMITMENT COACHING
This is structured work for couples preparing to deepen or formalize their commitment.
We explore:
expectations around partnership and long-term commitment
unspoken fears, assumptions, or relational templates
communication and conflict patterns before they become entrenched
alignment around intimacy, values, and life structure
In some cases, this work may also support:
creating meaningful vows or relational agreements
developing intentional rituals of check-in and repair
building clarity before making long-term commitments
ABOUT WORKING WITH ME
I work with couples across all sexual orientations, gender expressions, and relationship structures.
My focus is on relational dynamics, emotional patterns, and the interaction systems that shape connection over time.
CREDENTIALS
I hold an M.A. in Psychology from The New School and an M.P.H. in Sexuality and Health from Columbia University.
My work is informed by psychology, relational theory, and over a decade of experience working with individuals and couples navigating emotional and relational patterns.
READY TO BEGIN
If you are ready to understand what is actually happening in your relationship and begin shifting it together
Or
Testimonials
“My wife and I were facing one particular issue that kept resurfacing and we never really saw eye to eye on. Every conversation we had about it would spiral into a fight and we would continually butt heads and couldn't quite hear each other.
Our communication has improved drastically. The initial challenge we sought couples coaching for is completely resolved, and we are now diving into new territory that neither of us have ever excavated in ourselves or in previous relationships. I feel that we can face any challenge that comes our way and there is so much less fear and shame around bringing up hard things.
I think just being seen so clearly has been so rewarding. Shula approaches this work with so much empathy but she's also a straight shooter. I really appreciate the straightforwardness that is also rooted in compassion and love. There are so many times where she has reflected back what I said in a way that makes more sense to me than when I said it.
Any couple can benefit from this work. Even if you aren't facing any immediate challenges, you will be surprised how much there is to unearth about your own patterns, generational patterns, and ways you can help each other grow. Shula can help you see things you had no idea were there, and for me personally it's been mind blowing.”
- Nina, Brooklyn, NY
"My partner and I finally reached out to Shula after a few years of not quite connecting in the bedroom. Although we felt very confident in our relationship in every other facet our struggles were real when it came to sexual intimacy.
We both felt so comfortable talking with her. She assigned us an array of tools/worksheets that were incredibly helpful and opened our mind to alternative ways of looking at ourselves and dealing with our issues.
Shula was also very accommodating with our schedule. It was convenient to use video calls as getting to someone in person is impossible. We will continue to reach out to Shula to continue growing together as a couple.
I’m very grateful we were referred to her and attribute the growth of our relationship to her helping us."
-BB