Building Better Relationships
MY STORY
Why I Do This Work
I help people build better relationships not just with others, but with themselves.
Because the truth is, most of us weren’t taught how to love, communicate, or navigate intimacy in a way that actually works. Instead, we inherit patterns, we internalize beliefs and we repeat dynamics we don’t fully understand.
My work is about changing that.
Where It Started
I was born in Brooklyn, New York, to parents who immigrated from the Soviet Union in search of freedom and opportunity.
I was raised in a family shaped by resilience - including grandparents who survived Nazi concentration camps.
From an early age, I was surrounded by stories of survival, adaptation, and the complexity of human behavior under pressure. I was also witnessing what it takes to thrive in the aftermath of trauma. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this environment was quietly shaping the questions that would define my life:
Why do people stay in painful situations?
What makes connection feel safe - or unsafe?
How do our past experiences shape the way we love?
The Moment Everything Clicked
Years later, I found myself working at a matchmaking company in New York City. On paper, the clients had everything - successful careers, strong values, a clear desire for partnership.
Yet, they kept running into the same problem: They couldn’t find or sustain love. Not because they weren’t trying but because something deeper was getting in the way. Patterns, fear, unconscious beliefs and protective relational strategies. That experience changed everything for me.
It made one thing undeniable:
Finding love isn’t just about meeting the right person.
It’s about understanding how you show up in relationship.
Research, practice, and lived inquiry
That realization led me into formal study in psychology and public health, with a focus on relationships, sexuality, and emotional wellbeing.
Alongside academic work, I worked across applied behavioral settings, including sexuality-focused research and a role as a social skills coach collaborating with a cognitive psychologist and as a dancing anthropologist on a project supported by the National Institutes of Health.
Just as much as I was studying relationships professionally, I was studying them personally.
I questioned my assumptions about love and partnership. I traveled widely and observed how relationship norms and gender dynamics shifted across cultures. I sought guidance from world-renowned relationship experts. And I made my own mistakes, learned through experience, and stayed close to the reality that no one escapes relational complexity - they only become more conscious of it.
Over time, I stopped seeing intimate relationships as something to “get right,” and started seeing them as one of the most revealing arenas for understanding who we are.
What I’ve Learned
Through both my professional work and personal exploration, I’ve come to understand this:
Relationships are not simply about compatibility.
They are about awareness, of your patterns, of your needs and of how you respond to closeness, conflict, and vulnerability.
Without that awareness, we repeat what’s familiar - even when it hurts. With it, everything can start to change.
What I Do Now
Today, I work with individuals and couples who want to understand themselves more deeply and create more honest, connected relationships.
In our work, we look closely at communication patterns, attachment dynamics, boundaries, desire, and the emotional experiences that shape intimacy. Not from a place of judgement, but rather from a place of curiosity seeing clearly what’s happening.
The goal isn’t to become someone else in relationship. It’s to become more aware of who you already are in relationship - and to work with that in a more intentional way.
If you’re here
If you’ve found your way here, there’s a good chance something in your relational life feels like it’s asking for attention. Maybe you’re noticing repeating patterns. Maybe you’re craving deeper intimacy or clarity. Or maybe you’re simply aware that the way you’ve been doing things isn’t fully working anymore.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to start. This work begins with a willingness to look honestly at what’s happening and a desire to relate differently going forward.
I’m so glad you are here.
Warmly,
Shula
Work With Me
If you’re ready to build a different kind of relationship - with yourself or someone else - I offer:
This is a space for real conversations, meaningful insight, and lasting change. I’m so glad you’re here.
Portrait of the coach as a mini dancer
Home with family and friends in the 80s. I'm the one in the blue dress!