Your partner might not “just know” what you need - why asking for it is key.
The other day a client mentioned that one of the main issues in their relationship was that they wanted to their partner to “just know” what they needed them to do without “having to explain.”
I said “sounds like you are upset about not getting what you didn’t ask for.”
If you are the partner who isn’t getting their needs met see how communicating what you need support with works over expecting the other person to “just know.” Release expectations of them just having to “know”.
Use a soft start up. If your partner starts getting defensive or picks a fight remind them this isn’t meant to be critical just to create better relational habits.
If you are the partner who is not “getting it” or feeling the brunt of bitterness in this interaction swap out defensiveness for curiosity. Witness your partner’s frustration as an opportunity to open up to problem solving strategies rather shutting down into defensive measures.
You’re not a kid, you can do this. If there is something your partner wants/needs done around the house that you don’t have the time/desire to do what alternatives could you employ? Can you hire someone to lighten the load? Can you frame the request or the action as something that will be worth the momentary annoyance because if the ultimate harmony it will create?
Both partners need to remember you are a TEAM. Teams come up with strategies and plays to win the game, they don’t just guess. It feels like that sometimes but it is strategy, an understand of positions, strengths, passions and potential threats that help teams win. If it takes breaking out a wipe board or creating a playbook on how you two can win so be it. Just sit and talk about how unmet expectations and needs can create friction. Acknowledge that communication goes both ways. You got this.
